Sorry I’m Not Up Your Asshole

When you’re sucking metaphorical (and sometimes literal) dick in the corporate world, you can never rest from being completely up someone’s asshole if you want to remain on the non-shit list. You must always act urgent, attentive and interested–basically like a lap dog.

It’s semi-bearable to pretend to be up someone’s asshole initially, because the novelty of being paid regularly gets the better of you, but sustaining it long-term can be rather exhausting and may result in permanent brain damage and/or irreparable psychological trauma. And it can cause quite a bit of confusion about which mask you should wear at any given moment.