The Workplace Hymn

With Sue Ellen (Christina Applegate) being one of the most iconic cinematic representations of swallowing shit in the workplace, it’s only to be expected that the most apropos workplace hymn stems from the very catchphrase she coined in order to assure her boss that she wasn’t just fucking off all day without much of a clue about the specific demands of her “job description.” Yes, the declaration of “I’m right on top of that Rose!” is a catch-all oratorio that serves as a means to placate the most entitled people on planeta Earth: corporate leaders.

Repurposed at times in such incarnations as, “Yes, right away,” “I was just getting to that,” “I’ll be sure to have those reports at the next meeting,” “I’ll lick your asshole if you give me more time,” etc., “I’m right on top of that Rose” is the prototype for it all. “It all” being some vague avowal that everything you’ve been expected to do will present itself when the necessary deadline arrives. And, somehow, every time, you do manage to deliver. All it takes is several handles of vodka and sheer force of will to churn out what’s anticipated. In large part, however, it’s the shouting of the lyrics to your hymn that truly conjured the completion of the work you promised.