Engaging in Bob and Black Lodge Agent Cooper Impersonations in the Bathroom During Work Lulls

Like finding your soul mate (alternately known as, someone who won’t abandon you after years of promising never to do just that) or the perfect job (alternately known as, work that won’t make you want to gouge your eyes out), unearthing a co-worker that at least vaguely shares the same sick sense of humor as you do feels like an explosion tantamount to orgasm when it happens. Which it might never, because, to be honest, the ilk that works in an office has all the appreciation for hilarity as a clam. And just watch the Disney version of Alice in Wonderland for corroboration on how little clams understand.

However, if you do manage to finagle a cohort that’s even just a bit twisted–twisted enough to do impersonations with you–the numerous lulls at work can get a lot more interesting. Rather than just retreating to the bathroom to take a shit on the company dime or fill out job applications on your phone, you can actually take the time to engage with someone else in reenacting how the two of you truly feel at this state of your lives, now resigned to the daily drudgery of nondescript work punctuated by the sounds of industrial scale printers, copies being made and talk overheard of the latest TV show that will never be as meaningful as Friends or My So-Called Life in terms of zeitgeist relevance.

That puts you and your rare find of a co-worker in the “Ozzy Osbourne and Marilyn Manson pantomiming the signature facial expressions of Bob and Black Lodge Agent Cooper” realm. Thus, maybe the squandering of all your potential in life for the office was worth it to find someone on par with your acting caliber–both in acting out this perverse Black Lodge fantasy and acting as though you’re not actually in the Black Lodge as a result of succumbing to the inner workings of an office building in Midtown all these years.