When it comes to jobs, procuring one is a lot like finagling a significant other. You have to act a certain way (chiefly, not unhinged), at least when you’re first ingratiating your presence into the life of your employer–or, more likely, employers (there’s a lot of fat at the top, if you know what I mean).
And so, with your best foot and face forward, you will saunter into the building with calm, cool collection for the first few months of pretending to work there but actually just hanging out in the bathroom taking selfies. You want to believe you can sustain this level of normalcy, that your freakdom won’t start to slip through the cracks, but then, somewhere after the 90-day trial period, you let loose.
Like clockwork, you know you’ve got your employer by the balls and you can’t help but let the true you shine through. That rough-hewn interior soon begins to match the exterior as well, and before you know it, you’ve gone from red carpet Margot Robbie to Harley Quinn. So it goes that all office workers experience an inverse transformation from butterfly to caterpillar.