How Am I Still Working Here?

As you pass the 90-day trial period of employment, you’ll feel both a sense of accomplishment and doom. On the one hand, you’ve successfully fooled multiple human beings into believing 1) you’re not batshit crazy and 2) you care about working. But on the other, you’ve set yourself up for staying there a presumably long time.

Would that things were like how they could be in the twentieth century (outside of the 1970s), when flitting from job to job and never staying too long in one place was so much easier. But instead, corporate America has maintained all the worst elements of twentieth century office life (e.g. timecards, cubicles and a “9 to 5” schedule) without allowing any room for escape due to the scarcity of “a good job.” Thus, you’ll cut to five years after being a slave in one place and ask yourself, “How am I still working here?”