Being “Bad” By Office Standards

It’s rather rare to find that special someone in the office who will be a bad influence on you. After all, no one wants to risk losing their lack of creative freedom and potential pittance of a 401(k). So why rock the boat too much? Why stand out with indiscretions like rolling in late with Irish coffee in your hand or coming back from lunch reeking of a distillery? This, of course, brings us to the main point about being “bad” in the office: it just means drinking. You can be forgiven pretty much any other offense except this.

And the illicitness of the act only makes it all the more desirable, expressly once you’ve managed to encounter a non-pod person willing to indulge you in this highly disreputable behavior. But since when is infusing your body with a bit of liquid “bad”? Only in the office realm could this be deemed such a near criminal offense, as though being a bit tipsy inhibits you from sitting there like a trained monkey anyway. That’s why if you ever find a kindred “bad person,” you’ve got to hold on tight until you both crash and burn together or the other sells you down the river to save her own jaundiced hide.