“You Can’t Choose Your Family, Right?” & Other Callous Midtown Sayings

If you’ve found yourself in New York’s clutches, chances are you either came here to pursue “the arts” or you came here to make money. If it’s the latter (and often the former), it’s no coincidence you’ve landed in Midtown, where, apart from Wall Street, the lucre is to be found.

After enough salary (/cocaine) bumps, you, like Jennifer Garner as Jenna Rink in 13 Going On 30, will find yourself losing sight of who you are. You’ll feel less obligated to keep in contact with your family, thinking they’re too provincial to understand or relate to your big city life. If they happen to come up in conversation with your co-workers around the holidays, you’ll shrug off going home for an obligatory day by balking, “You can’t choose your family, right?” It is at this point that you will have turned, completely. Midtown has you by the balls, and has convinced you that it is your only real family. Soon, old friends you run into will be asking, “Doesn’t your crowd do Saint Barths for Christmas?”