Yearning for Turtleneck Weather So As to Hide Beneath It Like Your Covers

When forced to leave one’s bed during any season (though, granted, seasons are becoming an increasingly quaint notion), it presents a challenge. The winter, however, is an especial confrontation for this task, with the snooze button fast becoming your only true friend. The covers are, after all, your only solace, the only thing that can, at this point, re-create the womb for you, and therefore that time in your life when nothing was awful, and you didn’t have to do anything but wallow comfortably in your amniotic fluid.

Now, you’ve traded amniotic fluid for some goddamn cheap polyester covers, and you can’t even get that comfort on a consistent basis when the weather starts to cool. But the one luxury you are capable of attaining is that of a turtleneck, the ultimate device for 1) keeping warm at work and 2) covering your face so no one can look at or talk to you (nor would they want to because of what a weirdodo you look like with your turtleneck shield). This is, in point of fact, what makes the fall and winter superior to summer. In the latter season, there is no retreat, no opportunity for redress. But with a turtleneck, you’re given the benefit of a mobile bed and burka, the assistance of each fortifying your ability to remain inside the confines of the cube.