When You’re Trying to Take A Shit at Work But So Is Someone Else in the Stall Next to You

As we’ve already established, there’s nothing quite so freeing or vengeance-achieving than taking a shit while at work. However, this precious release can sometimes be ruined when some other grossoid who works with you decides to empty his or her bowels at the same time.

How are you supposed to enjoy your leisure time to its fullest when some other (literal) asshole is next to you grunting and squeezing away? It can really kill your own personal shitting vibe. Like, are you just supposed to join them in some weird, ritualistic office bathroom bonding experience? No. That’s why it’s best to time your “movement” at off-peak hours (e.g. never even bother trying right after lunch when everyone’s Subway is barreling right through them).