The Type Who Relishes When You’re Pushing Maximum Stress Density (And Therefore Maximum Weight Density)

It’s not arcane knowledge that the type to ascend to management is usually a sadist, allowed the cathartic luxury of using all their minimal amount of power to make up for the powerlessness in their personal lives. One of the ways in which such a person thrives is through the suppression of your will to fight back, even in the most understated of ways (e.g. showing up ten minutes late with a coffee in your hand). This includes, foremost in tactical strategy, the piling on of workloads. And honestly, who wants a load of any kind unless it’s the cum contributing to your orgasm? But you can forget about orgasms with a boss that gets his/her orgasm from watching you struggle.

As Miss Trunchbull did to Bruce Bogtrotter in Matilda, the person who controls you (because he who controls the purse strings makes the rules) can push you to your maximum stress level density–and you’ll take it as you need your damned money to pay for your accursed things. Even worse, the pressing upon of your limits can lead to a weight gain (if the constant offerings of sheet cakes and other break room fodder hasn’t already). Though some lose weight when stressed, the office worker generally does not. It isn’t just because you’re chained to your desk (ergo resulting in office booty), but also a result of having no outlet for release other than sitting and eating. And if you’re going to do that for eight hours a day, you might as well at least be on a plane to Europe for some sort of positive reward in a Pavlovian sense.