The People in Couples in Your Office Who Talk About How Their Valentine’s Day Was The Monday After

When people manage to find themselves in a couple in New York around their late 20s/early 30s, it’s all they can do to keep from feeling superior about it. But the worst kind are those in offices that force you to hear all about it–especially when Valentine’s Day falls during a time when they can still trap you into listening to what they did in a confined space.

As an office worker, you’ve already got a handicap, but being a single office worker renders you even more of a second-class citizen. It makes you vulnerable to the emotional repercussions of the question, “So what did you do for Valentine’s Day?” Rather than feel inclined to be honest and say, “Got drunk off my tits and watched a show that wasted more of my life than this office job,” you’ll scramble for something less depressing like, “Oh, you know, I had a Galentine’s Day” (which is actually the most depressing term ever coined apart from “pizza for one”). And truthfully, no matter what you say, the office workers in couples will always find you pitiable.