The Inevitability of a Single White Female Co-Worker

It’s not difficult to be the “coolest person” in the room when you’re working at a major corporation, or even a minor one. There are enough people who have settled in to the idea that this is how life is, one non-stop boredom fest that permits you the luxury of two–maybe three–weeks’ vacation and a 401(k). So when you do one avant-garde thing, like take an extended lunch break or wear leg warmers, suddenly there’s that one single white female type who takes a shine to you–wants to be just like you.

And it isn’t necessarily because you should flatter yourself in thinking that you’re that fly, but rather, you’re just “strange” enough to be fucked with by someone stranger than you–at least in terms of behavioral patterns willing to be exhibited. So when he or she (but probably she) shows up to work dressed like you to a tee–after gradually building up to a full-fledged imitation upon memorizing the key pieces in your wardrobe over the course of a few months–it should be interpreted as par for the corporate course. For you haven’t truly enjoyed the non-benefits of office life until a co-worker has unwarrantedly latched on.

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