The Creeped Out Reaction One Has When Someone Actually Wants to Hire You

Finding the “right” job can take months, often even years–shit, sometimes a lifetime–to do. The constant barrage of underwhelming reactions to your resumes (you will create multiple versions to see if any “business” incarnation of yourself sticks), appraising looks at your interview outfit and general flat-out nos to your very attempt at trying to enter the working world can easily condition you to have a heart attack when someone finally agrees to hire you.

Naturally, after striving so hard to achieve this goal, you tend to feel like maybe you shouldn’t have. After all, what sort of creep would want to hire you? He or she is obviously hiding some ghastly secret, waiting to use you for a government experiment or sell you into white slavery. No, no, this can’t be right. You need to start from scratch again.