Leaving Work Early Requires the Stealth of Houdini

There is an art to leaving work early–and it typically requires the level of stealth and subterfuge that only Harry Houdini possessed. In addition to needing certain illusionist powers to succeed at breaking out of your metaphorical shackles before 6 p.m., you may also want to consider investing in a blow-up doll.

Once you’ve invisibly placed the blow-up doll in your seat and carefully, ever so quietly backed away from your desk, you will need to walk in a straight line toward the exit making visual, verbal or physical contact with no one. If you’ve managed to complete the first phase of this escape plan, you must then focus on willing the elevator to get to your floor quickly and with no one else on it. Provided these highly fortunate circumstances befall you, you must then run to the nearest subway entrance to ensure none of your smoke break co-workers spot you on the way out. And voilĂ , you’re motherfucking Houdini.