There are many associated risks with riding the subway–contracting ebola from touching the pole, getting kicked in the face from someone’s showtime performance, potentially sitting in the residual fecal matter of a homeless person, etc. But one element an office worker shouldn’t have to fear in their trek to the ultimate manifestation of human meaninglessness–the workplace–is the threat of going kabluey at the hands of another person who decided arbitrarily it was their time to go.
It’s already wretched enough to be subjected to a timetable of the collective starting roughly from 7 a.m. to 10 a.m.–a standard-issue commuting schedule that inevitably makes for an inescapable cluster fuck. But to compound that inexplicable requirement for being to work before noon is the whimsy of terrorism. With the “ISIS-inspired” (which somehow sounds tantamount to being Gigli-inspired) evermore favoring of the subway explosion route for optimal decimation, what’s perhaps most infuriating is when a man using a lo-fi detonator crafted of, say Velcro and a battery pack, can’t even get his suicide bombing right after creating all this chaos. Maybe if he was more adroit in matters pertaining to attention to detail, he could have gotten a job in an office instead, and wouldn’t need to do this type of one-off gig for a living. It would certainly imbue him with a little more empathy for the average morning subway commuter, merely trying to get to their shittaytay job–harmful only to themselves and not to others–in peace.