HR: An Abbreviation for Hella Retarded

There are many interpretations for what HR can stand for. Among the most popular are “humongous retards,” “horrendously reductive,” “heinous rogues” and “human resources.” But when you get right down to the nitty gritty of what HR is, I think we all know what it really stands for is “hella retarded.”

Let us first consider the type of person who decides to apply for a job in HR. It’s usually a woman who was either very popular in high school or wanted desperately to be popular in high school. HR is her way to continue the “good vibes” she felt in the high school atmosphere as this department is expected to organize events and activities that will promote “togetherness”/is supposed to make you feel like the people in HR really know how to have a great time.

Barring the fact that HR’s sole purpose is to hire people and file the paperwork (which I guess is more ceremonial than literal now that nothing is tangible anymore), it seems what they actually do is, well,  nothing–just like most of the rest of the people pretending to work in their cubes. When was the last time you actually talked to HR about one of your concerns? That’s like telling a narc about your drug problem. What it comes down to is, HR is one of the most purposeless sectors of the corporate structure. Though, of course, they’re highly effective when it comes to firing people.