How Are People Out Cuddling A Groundhog While You’re in Your Cube?

Being that every day in the office feels like Groundhog Day, February 2nd already serves as a mere salt in the wound of cube existence. But to see that somehow there are all these dregs out there gathered around a hole at the zoo that they themselves should crawl into while you toil away because somehow you’re the only person incapable of procuring a flexible job schedule is an added source of agony.

This year, Staten Island “Chuck” and his fellow groundhog-looking enthusiasts are predicting an early spring–one that you can’t believe in until the snow around your own cold, dead and office-subjected heart melts. But at least we know Chuck isn’t allowed to fuck up his warm weather prediction, lest De Blasio decides to drop him on his ass like the stand-in from 2014.