Having to Act Content With Your “Bonus”

Like Louise Linton, wifey to likely ephemeral Secretary of the Treasury Steven Mnuchin (one can’t help but think Buttmunchin somehow when that’s uttered), disgustedly holding up a sheet of freshly printed one dollar bills, we must all act content with the paltry dollars thrown our way come Christmastime. While it’s one of these instances of being told, “Just be thankful that you received anything at all,” it also adheres to Ricky Gervais’ post-fame character in Extras, Andy Millman, and his belief that rather than getting a one percent discount for being known, if anything, he’d rather pay another one percent as a testament to how valueless that amount is.

In short, this is what it’s like for most office workers upon receiving their Christmas “bonus,” which can sometimes even be as insulting as an Amazon gift card. Where’s the appreciation for a year of your life wasted? The incentive to persist working at a job that siphons out your soul faster than the Libyans siphoning plutonium from Doc Brown. Cash speaks louder than words, after all. The Christmas tradition of doling out a figure amount representative of just, exactly, what you’re worth is already bad enough. The corporation doesn’t need to make it worse by handing you a fistful of pennies when you’d rather not have to add acting to your job description when it comes to feigning gratitude for even getting something “extra.” Because sometimes less is more, and other times it’s just less than nothing.