Glamorizing Your Job Title

Sometimes, there’s no greater skill than an ability to buy into self-deludedness. Whether it’s telling yourself that you’re not yesterday’s newspaper doomed for the fish and chips platter or that you still have time to change careers and turn your class status around, a bit of hallucination can go a long way in the field of survival. And part of that survival involves making it to the next job so as to break up the tedium called a lifelong need to make money. To do so, one generally has to play up their past work experience, including “slight” “re-workings” of original job titles.

For example, capo of a major crime family becomes “waste management consultant.” Or shill for a multibillion dollar e-commerce company becomes “senior copywriter.” It’s all about how you label something, after all. People are very sensitive to presentation. No one wants to hire you if you frankly tell them, “I spent most days picking my crack in this role, staring at a computer screen with random spreadsheets and Word documents open so as to appear even moderately busy. Occasionally, I went to meetings where a bump of coke in the bathroom allowed me to appear coherent.”

No, you’ll never get anywhere with that level of honesty. Glamorization is key. And if you can even vaguely believe in the glamor yourself, you might just land yourself in a new position you’ll soon grow bored with. Because really, it’s same shit different cubicle.

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